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^ never let this happen to u...
Hello hello hi! This is mainly abt me and (one particular) social media. You may also gain the urge to diagnose me with things. Ironically enough this post about wanting to be more private on the internet involves a lot of oversharing. Also sleep deprived writing this so this may be odd and strange in its prose!
I've used discord to talk to ppl since I was like 12, although that account in particular is long gone. Then, since I'm a weird nerd (i guess) I made a lot of my friends my talking to ppl online through this messenger. Then there was quarantine and then I started doing Dungeons and Dragons in one group and a specific silly animal game in another and now those are my two main friend groups basically (and you're awesome sauce by the way! :D)
It's also my number one source of paranoia, and the only thing worse is that its completely justified.
Back when I listed my account on here I had a post on my site since practically its inception (about 7 or 8 months?) about how terrible it is for user privacy, and that people should messenge me elsewhere. And I had already known how bad it was for about a year or even more. and that post has been up for what I assume is the better part of a decade. This, obviously rationally, is scary as fuck.
But rational scary and irrational scary are so far from mutually exclusive, and I had two parallel fears:
But I am a brilliant fox actually! :D If I just restrict how I use this chat app in increasingly specific odd ways and avoid doing specific things then its Better Than Doing Nothing AND I can have friends :D but also I can never show my face but also I have to show my face ONCE otherwise its not fair but also I will delete it right after so its okay but also its not really deleted i am a fool. And despite how I just said phrased this entire bit sardonically this actually worked really well. Then I read any news ever.
Each CEO change is a worse person. Each feature change makes things worse too! Now we have IDs in the UK! Now we have IDs everywhere! Also AI! Also Palantir! Also the CCP mayyybeeee i didnt read much about that one. Here, and theres also the privacy guides you use for everything else telling you just how bad this service is! It's literal spyware! And they're right, it is!
Then I have to spend time on something meant to be for talking to my friends thinking about our conversations as some corporate owned logged event designed to track all of us. Then UBlock and Privacy Settings and alternative clients don't matter, I think about the two things that make me feel like absolute shit the most and when I do that it doesn't stop
This is a computer app for gamers by the way.
As much as me having a very smart-nerdy exterior makes some ppl treat my privacy focus as some sort of tech wizardry a lot of it is barely held together odd random personal rules abt what makes me feel comfortable with the internet. This is also very true of a LOT of other things that arent even internet or tech related but those are my most noticeable ones at the current moment. This may be a symptom.
The recent news, where a lot of my friends are actually receptive about moving off of discord gave me a lot of hope, so I tried coming up with the perfect plan for self hosting everything and then I get people to switch but also I gotta delete my account and wipe messages first because i cant just let all that info stay there so I spend time obsessing abt what kind of server to run or clients to use or how to delete everything and how I have to get the usernames of all those irl middle school friends I let dm me those couple times bc THOSE chats can be traced back to the real me and
This is a spiral. And this is not a well timed spiral. I have mounting schoolwork on top of getting sick a lot and that alone is kicking my ass.
This post is an explanation as to why I'm just gonna go (not like. as soon as this post goes out I mean. Im gonna look for art I made and got and wanna keep mostly), rather than delicately deleting everything (although Ive already done a lot indelicately - if youre that one friend who I barely ever message who I accidentally wiped everything I sent, I'm sorry! But also we barely talked for like years so I dont think you mind too much maybe. Unless you're the one who was weird abt anime children who I did that to on purpose, because Im talking to someone different) and migrating all my friends to the most fully featured and functional self hosted server already fully set up. I want to do that really bad! But that's a later thing. There is going to be a period in between that you can either feel free to take as a shift to signal/session (I dont put it on here but if you ask for my signal on session and I know you I'll probably give it, in case you have a preference for using Signal above Session, as do I) or as me taking a break from the internet if you wanna wait for me to get something else
In the near future I'll probably on some open source discord clone my DM picks for our group, and spring break will come for me to actually set up what I want to set up. But with everything going on I need to feel done with paranoia NOW and I dont really mind if its not optimal anymore
Also if you are a specific lynx haiiiiii :3 and if ur not him then like ok bye I guess